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The Dog and Piggy Show[]
- [On the top floor of a windmill in the Netherlands, Jackie is hammering away at a wall with a chisel, upon which he finds the Dog Talisman embedded in the wall.]
- Jackie: How much is that doggie in the windmill?
- Jackie: Ha! [He plucks the Dog Talisman from the wall.] Hey, good boy!
- Tohru: Chan!
- Jackie: Huh? [He turns around to face Tohru whilst keeping his hand with the Dog Talisman hidden behind his back.]
- Tohru: The ta—
- Jackie: —Talisman? Uh, what talisman?
- Tohru: [He holds up the Seeking Device. The dragon head nearest to Jackie begins to glow red.] The one the dragons indicate.
- Jackie: Oh, this talisman. [He reveals the Dog Talisman before securing it in his pocket.]
- Tohru: [He growls.]
- Jackie: You know, Tohru, you really should consider coming over to the good side; Section 13 has a marvelous dental plan, and every Thursday is doughnut day!
- [Tohru lunges at Jackie, who leaps out of the way by catching onto one of the windmill's revolving gears. The motion of the gear lifts Jackie upwards onto the shaft of an axle, from which he leaps back down before making a break for the window.]
- [Tohru subsequently scans out the window for Jackie, who at first is nowhere to be seen. He is eventually revealed to have clung onto one of the windmill's sails as it passes by the window.]
- Tohru: [He growls upon discovering Jackie, gripping the Seeking Device between his teeth before proceeding to lean out of the window. He promptly reaches for the rotor, using his strength to bring it to a complete halt just as Jackie's sail reaches the top. Consequently, he has leaned too far to pull himself back to safety and is now left clinging onto the rotor for his life.]
- Jackie: Heh. [He slides down the sail gleefully.]
- Tohru: [He glares up at Jackie from his predicament, growling at him with the Seeking Device still gripped between his teeth.]
- Jackie: [He crosses over Tohru's leaning body, using it as a bridge to get back in through the window.] Thank you, bye bye, have a nice day. [He gleefully takes his leave.]
- [With his feet hooked over the windowsill, Tohru is left clinging to the rotor with no way to climb back. The windowsill eventually gives way and snaps.]
- Tohru: [The Seeking Device is released from his teeth.] Chan! [He loses his grip of the rotor and falls several stories below.] Woaaahh!
- Tohru: [He survives by landing on top of a haystack. Whilst finding his bearings, however, a noise from beneath him catches his attention.] Hmm? [He discovers that he has landed on top of the Seeking Device, which is now snapped in two. He watches with horror as it finally dies.]
- [Meanwhile, Jackie is gleefully fleeing the scene from a nearby field with the windmill a good distance behind him.]
- Jackie: Time to walk the dog. [He tosses the Dog Talisman in the air and catches it before taking his leave.]
- (Telephone ringing) Jackie: Hello?
- Jumping jackal? It's me... Fearless hyena.
- Jade?
- Shh! Wise old goat roams near.
- What?
- Ancient rabbit has very long ears.
- What are you talking about?!
- It's uncle's birthday! Where are you?
- Ugh! My flight had a layover in Bavaria. If I never see Bavaria again...
- Jackal, this isn't about you.
- Don't worry, Jade.
- My plane will arrive in plenty of time for "operation: Surprise"
- cool! So, what did you get him?
- Uh...
- P.A.: Flight 19 to San Francisco is now boarding.
- Uh, that's me! See you soon! Bye! Chocolate, cheese... Lederhosen? Oh! Bavaria!
- (Hip-hop music playing on radio)
- Jade? Jade! Jade!!
- Ugh!
- Uncle, you scared me.
- And the rock and roll noise is scaring away the customers.
- Tsk! It's hip-hop, duh! Come on, uncle coolio. I'll teach you some moves.
- Ugh! My hip does not hop.
- Sure it does. You just gotta move with the grandmaster groove.
- Ohh! (Uncle moans) Ohh!
- I am like that antique.
- Uh, valuable?
- Old and brittle.
- Jade & Jackie: Happy birthday, Uncle!
- Jade: Heh heh! I was all possessed that day but my hair looks good. And, uh, hey, funny moose!
- I will Cherish it, Jade. What did you bring me?
- Jackie: Ta-da!
- Oh, chocolate stains my teeth, and cheese makes my... Um, none of your business.
- Uh... oh! I brought you one more thing. It's your sign.
- So how old are you, Uncle?
- Jade!
- Er, in dog years?
- I will do research now.
- But, uncle, we have cake! You have to celebrate!
- When I am. Another year younger, then I will celebrate.
- Valmont: You failed to retrieve the talisman... And you sat on this.
- Shendu: The seeking device was forged by magic. Such things are hard to come by.
- Tohru: Apologies, master.
- Valmont: Perhaps the time has come to have a freelancer lead future missions.
- Tohru: No need, master. I will do better.
- Valmont: Ahh, too late. Tohru, meet hak foo.
- Tohru: Hmm, black tiger. He does not look so ferocious.
- Hak Foo: (Growls) Angry crow takes flight! Hyah! Emu stands on mountain top! Monkey plucks 2 peaches! Ye-ahh.
- Tohru: Uh, looks can be deceiving.
- "The dog talisman is best friend to man: "It restores youthful energy to its holder... And grants eternal life." Hmm. Immortality.
- Jackie, has uncle always been, like, all, you know, uncle-y?
- No, Jade. When uncle was young, he was just like me.
- Does that mean you're gonna be grouchy, constipated, and smell like garlic when you're uncle's age?
- Oh, Jade, respect your elders... Both of us.
- Whaa!
- What? What is it?
- A talisman...
- Made of chocolate.
- Jackie: The pig is one of the signs of the Chinese zodiac that we haven't yet located. And these ferkel's chocolates are clearly modeled after the pig talisman. So once again I am off to Bavaria.
- I could use a change of scenery. I will go with you.
- Awesome. No baby-sitter means I get to go, too.
- B-b-b-b-but, uncle, you never leave the shop. And what about the dog talisman?
- Bah, research can wait. Hyah!
- Whoa.
- Ha-cha-cha-cha. So... What are we waiting for?
- Valmont: The mainframe indicates that one Mr. chan has purchased 3 airline tickets to Bavaria. The dark hand jet awaits. Uh, tohru, be a sport and tag along in the event hak foo requires your services. And when you meet our friend Jackie chan?
- Hak Foo: (Growls) Smashing melon fist!
- (Oompah music playing)
- I will do some sleuthing at the chocolate factory, Jade, but I think it's best that you stay with... Uncle.
- You know, Jade, they have hip-hop here in Bavaria.
- Really?
- Yes. They call it oompah.
- Hmmph!
- Tohru: So, uh... Where shall we begin our search for the talisman?
- Hak Foo: I don't know. You sat on the seeking device, remember?
- Tohru: Ahem. Well... The only talismans left to be found are the tiger and... The pig.
- Hak Foo: Remain here and stand watch... And I mean stand. Less chance you'll break something.
- Tohru: (Growls)
- You see, Mr. chan, great great grandpapa ferkel devised a unique method of melting mass quantities of cocoa beans. But grandpapa was a superstitious man and took the secret to his grave. So, all the modern equipment you see around you performs essentially the same task, locking in wholesome chocolatey goodness
- (Yawns) Oh, interesting.
- Grandpapa was also a very generous man and donated the clock tower to the town.
- What can you tell me about the pig?
- Elwin? Oh, ho ho. Everyone loves elwinschwein. Grandpapa considered pigs to be his lucky animal. No one quite knows why.
- Perhaps because he found a pig talisman?
- I'm sorry?
- Uhh, nothing.
- And I thought your hip didn't hop.
- Ha-cha-cha-cha.
- Uncle. Hello! Cheese?
- Yummy.
- But cheese gums up your... Something's different about you.
- Eeh, like what?
- Well, for one thing, you haven't said "one more thing" since we got here.
- Uhh...
- Come on, uncle, please. You can tell me. No way.
- Way.
- Uncle, that is so cool. It's giving you the power to, uh, be cool and stuff. You're gonna keep it, right?
- (Thinking) Hmmm.
- (Clock chimes)
- Jade & uncle: The talisman!
- Hak foo: Seeking a talisman? Only counterfeits here.
- Do I know you?
- I am hak foo: The last human. You will ever lay eyes upon. Mantis boxing style!
- What?
- Serpent pounce technique! Float like lotus blossom!
- What are you talking about?
- Sting like scorpion!
- Aah. Unh!
- Flamingo stance.
- Oh, these little piggies went to the market.
- Flying dragon corkscrew! Cat lands on feet and bares claws! Cat shakes off water. Cat tears squirrel's head off!
- Aah!
- Ooh!
- Baboon leave tuccus exposed.
- (Hak foo snarls)
- Hungry crane diving for shrimp!
- (Jackie groans)
- Black tiger crushes chan.
- You, tiger man... Remove your feet from Jackie.
- What's a Jackie?
- Take your leave or feel the burn.
- You talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?
- Uncle, this guy beat Jackie.
- (Hak foo growls) Monkey plucks 2 peaches! Huh?
- Whoa.
- Gorilla snaps frail twig! Guh-oh, whoo-hoo.
- Twig may be frail, but roots are slippery.
- Jackie?
- Uncle?
- Rabbit punch! Mule kick! Lobster claw! Cobra coil! Oyster shuck! Duck stomp! Ow.
- (Babbles)
- Grrrr. Angry crow takes flight!
- Thank you for sharing, angry crow!
- Jade, uncle just leapt 20 feet into the air.
- Go, uncle!
- (Growls) Hmmm.
- Elephant thrusts its leg!
- Baaah!
- Both: Uncle!
- Heh heh. I meant fist.
- Both: Uncle!
- Jackie: Uncle, are you ok?
- Jade: Say something.
- Retire from talisman hunting, chan. It is a hazardous occupation.
- Jade & Jackie: Uncle! Uncle!
- Uncle's voice: Uncle! Uncle!
- Yes, Uncle?
- What happened?
- You got such a whupping. Big mouth had a big fist. One more thing: There's work to do. You must acquire the pig talisman and discover the power it possesses.
- But I am dead.
- Aiyaaa! How can you be dead? You are wearing the immortality talisman.
- Oh, right.
- One more thing...
- (Smack)
- Ow!
- Uncle, you're ok!
- Err, see? Lots of garlic is good for you. We must get the pig talisman before the big mouth finds it.
- But we don't know where it is.
- Oh, yes we do.
- See the oinker at 12 o'clock? Elwin's sportin' a pork pie hat. We saw it earlier when the clock chimed.
- Huh? Oh, ooh.
- Tohru!
- Many thanks... For leading us to the prize.
- You are not welcome.
- You! But elephant fist!
- Tohru: Why so afraid? He is an old man
- Uh-yuh-uh-yuh-uh-yuh!
- 3 against one. We can take him!
- Jade, the talisman.
- Uh, right.
- Hak Foo: You, family-size, stop the girl! Sit on her! Do something!
- Tohru: Grrrr!
- Tiger slaughters 2 lambs!
- You've been working out.
- Pfft. Like riding a bicycle.
- Unh! Uh!
- Unh! Uh! Unh! Uh!
- Going up. Whah!
- (Gasps) Jackie!
- Give me... That.
- The lucky pig was how grandpapa ferkel melted his cocoa beans.
- Heat-beam eye-blast? Heat-beam eye-blast!
- (Clock chiming)
- Time is not on his side.
- Tohru: (Scoffs) Freelancer.
- Hak Foo: Heat-beam eye-blast.
- Hak Foo: Ow.
- Save Jade!
- Both: Bwaaaaaah!
- Aaaaaaaaah!
- Whoa! Aaah!
- Unh!
- Huh. Oh.
- (Panting)
- Whoo-eee.
- I will just go fetch the pig talisman while I am up.
- Uncle... Explain.
- Jackie, thank you for allowing me to re-experience my youth. But being young is too dangerous and exhausting! Uncle needs a nap.
- You earned it, uncle.
- See, Jade? As tohru demonstrated, one cannot turn back the hands of time.